


I'm off the deep end, watch as I dive in

by Deeambles



Series: Man is such a fool (why are we saving him?) [1]
Category: Naruto
Genre: Consensual But Not Safe Or Sane, LMAOOO i just found that tag and it works, M/M, Mentions of Hate Sex, talk about death but this tobirama what did you expect, tobirama is spiteful and sassy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-06
Updated: 2019-04-06
Packaged: 2020-01-05 23:16:41
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 863
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18376091
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Deeambles/pseuds/Deeambles
Summary: He deserves to be forgotten and whispered about, because Tobirama loves him, but sage above and below he’s an asshole.Somewhere in the Mountains grave yard, Madara sneezes.





	I'm off the deep end, watch as I dive in

**Author's Note:**

> title from the song "Shallow" by lady gaga and bradley cooper

When someone’s loved one dies, Tobirama can almost always predict what their friends and family will say based on some defining trait of either them or the deceased loved one. 

There’s the pacifist

“Oh, you know X always had a smile on their face” 

The conceited 

“They always wanted what was best for me” 

The dreamers

“They always wanted what was best for everyone.” 

The pessimists 

“Yes, they always knew this would come, we talked about it.” 

Dozens, and yet Tobirama doesn’t fit into any of these categories. 

Tobirama’s lover never sat and talked about death (unless it was a promise to be Tobirama’s.) 

Tobirama could never say he’d always have a smile on his face (his smile was lost to madness and what was left was sharp like metal and dangerous and cold cut deep like poison) 

Tobirama can’t, with a clear conscience, say he wanted the best for anyone, even himself. (Madara would sometimes talk about dreams. The ultimate genjutsu. Tobirama could never make sense of them, or even remember the whole conversation after Madara was done.) 

Sometimes Tobirama would dream that Madara loved him. That the relationship they had was good, safe, something to be cherished. That their relationship wasn’t acidic and dangerous and so so addicting. 

Addicting every time Madara pinned him to the bed and fucked him senseless. 

Acidic every time Madara would trick him into looking up and seeing deep red and spinning black. 

Addicting every time Tobirama won their verbal battles and would ride Madara until his eyes were spinning so fast they truly resembled the pinwheels they were named for.

Addicting every time Tobirama pinned this man who at the end only looked like a predator, a beast, untamed and wild from his eyes and hair to the way his feet pushed against the mattress and Tobirama both. 

Poisoning every time they kissed and bit and licked into each other’s mouths and wouldn’t let the other up until they were both gasping for breath. 

Addicting the way Madara’s chakra,  _deepangersorrow-hotmist-flamingmetalhittingstone_ , flares and pushes and mixes with Tobirama’s,  _regretforgiveanger-coolthunder-deepdeepocean_  chakra to create something that Tobirama thinks must be like when a volcano meets the ocean. The feeling is a mix of elements that should never meet and yet they do so often. A check, a balance, an addiction and for the longest time Tobirama thought it was enough to keep Madara here in Konoha, just as it kept Tobirama in Madara’s bed. 

He should have known that too was a dream. 

At first Tobirama thought that maybe it was him, that simply couldn’t put Madara into a category. However, if  ~~when~~  Hashirama dies, he knows he’ll fit into the dreamer’s category for the day and say something poetic like Hashirama lived and died for his dream, he wanted the best for everyone, that he lives on as long as Konoha does. 

If he outlives Mito, he imagines he’ll put himself into the category of the pacifists, say that she always would lend an ear to listen, she was kind before anything, and she always had a smile on her face. 

If it was Touka, he’d be a pessimist, as his cousin doesn’t fear death and has done her best to drill it into his and Hashirama’s head too. 

But Madara. Strong, wild, unpredictable Madara. 

Maybe, Tobirama thinks cynically, he just gets his own category. 

A cautionary tale. His death is only talked about in whispers, and even though he saw Hashirama after the fight, he sometimes can’t help himself from doubting the man’s dead at all. 

Maybe that makes Tobirama the doubtful. 

Never to put Madara’s death into words, stay tight lipped at any mention of him, endlessly stuck to simply doubt and cast doubt that it happened at all. 

Tobirama gazes up above to the stars outside his lab and thinks, _yes, that sounds right and trying to prove otherwise would ruin it._

In the end, he seals Edo Tensei away, burning parts and hiding others. 

Had he not, he would have found his jutsu to fail, as Madara breathes deep in the mountains looking up at the same stars. 

Madara doesn’t smile either, but he is determined in a singular way that will shape the next centuries to come. Determined to see a better end for everyone, and not one person won’t get a happy ending, he’ll make sure of it. 

They both stare up and wonder when the stars will align their paths again, when they’ll see each other in a world that they can love without hate, and hate without hurting. 

They both turn their backs and walk away, destined to tread along different paths that in another decade, will converge once again into one. 

 

 

 

Tobirama makes a firm decision that being a part of the doubtful will just have to do. He let himself fall victim to Madara’s attention and love and everything they can’t call their relationship, but that doesn’t make him any less of a shithead for the stunts he pulled. He deserves to be forgotten and whispered about, because Tobirama loves him, but sage above and below he’s an asshole.

Somewhere in the Mountains grave yard, Madara sneezes.

**Author's Note:**

> hmmm this was not written with the intention of being a part of this series, but then I realized it works so like,,, here we are? consider this part 1/4. With "I will not die" being number 3/4 
> 
> also my new kink is writing different ways to describe someones chakra and how it reacts and feels to other peoples chakra. bite me


End file.
